Vulnerable strength

communicating your wishes

‘My Child’ Watercolor and pencil by Su Lin

Here we go…, we can do this together. It will be worth it.

There are many opportunities where there is an exposed part ourselves that feels unsafe, vulnerable, delicate and most real in it’s raw beauty. It is a journey of wholeheart and nurturing of our self and each other.

This is one that I am willing and able to take. I can think of times when being vulnerable doesn’t work out. Where the meeting of persons in this delicate place is not possible. I also have other times beyond my control when I was very unwell, I was exposed and I had no choice but to be courageous and deal with what comes my way to the best of my ability and it brought the most special spirit of love from friends, family and carers. The beautiful connections experienced carries strong in memory with the suffering endured. Amongst the heartaches that happen in my life that challenge my worthiness of love and connection, it’s been a beacon of resilience to have the memory of my time in hospital where my vulnerability was in full strength.

Brene Brown exposes vulnerability in her groundbreaking TED talk with 22Mil views. Here she touches on shame - worthiness of love and connection - telling the story of who you are with wholeheart - courage to be imperfect - embracing vulnerability and her story. It’s touching, funny and encouraging.

Brene’s research and understanding of vulnerability’s strength is empowering and one I have learnt from. If you would like to learn more from her, have a read here.

There is an incredible vulnerability when unable to physically look after myself such as catching a cab ride and feeling unsafe at times and getting multiple bed transfers by nurses during radiotherapy with unstable neck crush fractures. Also, mentally unable to express my needs due to delerium and being unwell was even more unsettling. When I was in the special care ward not having been fully diagnosed, I woke up in the middle night very delirious with difficulty speaking and knew something was not right. The night doctor came to see me and dismissed my distress and didn’t do anything about my soon to be discovered dangerously high calcium level in the blood. The thought that I will not be able to seek help when I am declining in health was staring me in my face! I was not in a position to even ask for another opinion. As traumatising as it is to think about this episode, it happens and I am fortunately here to tell the story in the comfort of my home and health. It was a bumpy ride but I made it.