Feeding the tiger
brave & scary
I recently went to see Stormy Mill’s exhibition “ Once upon a sometimes”. He is most known as a local street artist with his works around town. In this exhibition he explores the tension between the function and disruption of living with anxiety. He writes “ the concept of feeding the tiger is a metaphor for how an adaptive response can grow and become maladaptive “
The tiger is a fierce and powerful animal with honed survival instincts. It has such a striking fur and is quite spectacular. Being cats, I find their ability to swim interesting with an ability to traverse an 8km river. The markings on a tiger's forehead are the same as the Chinese character for "king". There is something about the tiger that has stood by me as I was born in the chinese year of the tiger.
The tiger roars
undeniably angry
I am fearful
and feel
a need to
runaway
screaming
The anxiety that Stormie talks and paints as the tiger is one I can identify with where it’s the fear of something that makes the anxiety so much worse. That urge to runaway. Specially when the tiger of anxiety is fierce. Perhaps even to the point of freezing in anxiety as in a dream where the tiger pounces and you can’t move!
There are moments of this that rears it’s tiger head through the different stages of cancer or profound illness. The fear of suffering, the fear of a horrible death, the fear of death itself and then the anxiety arrives and the stripes of the tiger start to spiral.
As much as the anxiety and fear of a tiger exists, the sheer power and agility of a tiger is one to behold also. One to revel in it’s absolute creation. To appreciate it’s strength and instincts for survival and ability to adapt fast to the situation. The tiger is not necessarily tamed, but better appreciated.
Having the HER2 positive tumor marker means a negative PET scan is a likelihood of being cancer free everywhere in the body except the brain. An MRI brain needs to be done if there are new symptoms. I recently told my oncologist about increasing nausea and she asked if I have headaches…she was screening me for brain cancer. Having the BRCA1 breast and ovarian cancer gene means that I will need to consider having my ovaries removed soon. Just as I am recovering, a new tiger is born. One that is not welcome just as I start feeling better. I just had my first holiday since being unwell… I get fatigued, will the fatigue be even harder to recover from after another operation?
I can appreciate how soothing anxiety can be gently tendered to with words of comfort and seeking the comfort of feeling good moment to moment. I can also appreciate the anxiety being taken over by a growing strength to face anything. The strength and power of resilience to take each step well and in full stride.
Taking confidence in experience and preparation. Finding that which makes life worthwhile whether it be the shimmer or glimmer of what meets my needs at this point in time.
When an occasion arises where chosing the animal to identify with helps….by all means do so. Having a tiger by my side may not be so bad after all.
RRRRAGGH
Now only the Sumatran tiger remains – and there could be as few as 400 of these majestic beasts left in the wild due to deforestation